Patience

I want to share another great talk with you. This one was given by Elder Neal A. Maxwell in a devotional address to the students at Brigham Young University in 1979. He title it "Patience." 

"There is also a dimension of patience which links it to a special reverence for life. Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance. Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising. So it is with us. If we are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we will not be."

Neal A. Maxwell was a President of the First Quorum of the Seventy of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when this devotional address was given at Brigham Young University on 27 November 1979.

This is kind of getting old...

Day 47

I lost my patience yesterday afternoon and ended two calls when both office managers were mid sentence. They wouldn't let me speak to an actual nurse or PA or anyone who understands hydrocephalus and why it's a VERY big deal that the neurosurgeon know the severity of my symptoms. These ladies were trying to explain to me their office policy for the neurosurgeon they each represent. I've been listening to the same explanations for over a month and I was beyond done with the excuses. I enjoyed my righteous indignation for being so rude until I saw this inspirational message posted by another friend of mine. Instant humility check, right there.

So we obviously didn't make any progress yesterday except to be more clear about our options.

My surgery is scheduled for this Tuesday if...

(1) Our insurance company approves my neurosurgeon's single case agreement (a petition that makes him an in-network doctor for this one surgery). But his billing/insurance department haven't sent anything to my insurance company yet. Once they do, it can be approved rather quickly, but I'm losing hope that they'll get this approved on time.

(2) Gamble the cost of the neurosurgeon's fee (which would be quite the amount!) and fight insurance after the surgery. Everything else would be covered.

(3) Be admitted to the hospital through the emergency department Monday night or Tuesday morning and have the neurosurgeon bill the surgery as if I were a trauma patient. And truth be told, I think this is the plan we'll follow if my neurosurgeon isn't pre-approved. My insurance company told me that if this is the scenario, then he'd be considered in-network because it's an emergent surgery.

If ANYone else showed up to the ED with my symptoms and they did not have previous history with hydrocephalus, then they would take one look at the CT or MRI pictures, make note of the symptoms, and operate right away. My shunt failures were SO catastrophic that there was never any question I needed surgery. But the symptoms never had a chance to escalate to the ones I'm experiencing now with this ETV failure. My theory is that the neurosurgeon's don't feel a sense of urgency because I'm still coherent and able to walk and talk. Ridiculous, right?!!

If we choose NOT to do any of those three options, then we'd have to wait for neurosurgeon #2's office staff to get everything lined up for surgery and we have NO idea when that would be.

Thank you for your love and support my friends! I seriously can't imagine where I'd be emotionally and spiritually without all of your prayers, phone calls, texts, dinners, and FB posts/messages. We've GOT this!!

But I Want it NOW!

You know your vision is bad when you see two very distinct three-point lines on each side of the basketball court. I almost asked my honey why they painted two arcs for this championship game before I remembered that my vision stink these days. #failedETV #increasedICP #hydrocephalus #gowarriors

My sister reminded me that I posted this on Facebook last October. Apparently I haven't learned this lesson quite yet...

And just when I hit my "I'm totally done!" wall, this man sends me a text. Friends who are attending the Hydrocephalus Conference this next week... please give Dr Walker a big ol' hug for me. 😊

Inconvenient Neurosurgical Conferences

Day 42

Grateful for doctors who take the time to be the best in their field! Now if only one particular doctor would just get back to Utah already...

I'm grateful he's attending a conference at which he is gaining awesome knowledge that will help many people in the future, but my patience is struggling. 

Breathe. 

Ask for Guidance & Be Patient

Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles shared this story on his Facebook page two days ago and it's a great reminder of patience and relying on the Lord's will and strength.

I have a dear friend who was dying of severe bone cancer. We served missions in Europe 65 years ago.

“Russ,” he said, “tell God to let me die.”

I replied, “I am not going to tell God to do anything, and neither are you! It doesn’t work that way. But I will give you a blessing to see what Father will have you do at this time.”

He said, “Well, if that is all you are going to do, then OK.” Shortly thereafter, he died.

My point in sharing this story is that we should never tell our Father what to do. I happen to believe that God must have a glorious sense of humor. People order Him around in prayers all the time! I often hear those prayers and think God must smile and think, “Someday they will understand.”

We should ask God for guidance and be patient. Move forward step by step in the plan of salvation and perform whatever He asks you to do. It is simple: have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and in His plan for you.

The Lord's Timing

Day 29.



I'm meeting with a new neurosurgeon this afternoon... Dr. Joel MacDonald. He's on the neurosurgical team from the University of Utah but he has an office at Intermountain Medical Center, a hospital covered by my insurance. Unfortunately, Dr MacDonald isn't a preferred provider, so we'll be paying for this appointment out of pocket. I'm still hoping that this headache is caused by too much estrogen or something easy and dumb like that...

Patience = Happiness

Day 27.