Recovery Day 13

There are days when you get a teeny little glimpse into the suffering of others and you realize your life is beautiful in comparison. This video is... Well, the music is absolutely beautiful and the images are ridiculously heart breaking!! I could only watch it up to a point, took a break for a while, and then watched to the end.

Folks, the sex slave trade is real and over two MILLION children are being held captive and used today. TODAY! If you can, please donate to Operation Underground Railroad so this organization can help rescue as many as they can!

Recovery Day 12

I've discovered a problem... I can't raise my voice without inducing a ridiculously awful spike in my headache pain! This will become a bigger problem when my mom leaves on Sunday. She's been AMAZING with the kids and has kept them busy enough that the potential problems created by our little humans have been kept to a minimum!

Glen Varga will be home for the most part throughout the rest of July, so he can play referee with the kids. But this ability to raise my voice has been a mommy super power!! And I'm not even talking about yelling. That's totally out of the question because I think the pain would kill me. But I've lost the power to use my voice to grab everyone's attention because someone is about to do something ridiculously dumb that will probably hurt someone/everyone else. Or to end a loud argument mid sentence because I say the mommy magic word that shuts everyone up immediately. Or to get all of the potential A/C drainers on hinges closed at once with just a few words projected loudly. And with four little humans, it's physically impossible to be in each of their spaces all the time so that we may converse at a below normal decibel level. And even if it were physically possible, that would be a disservice to my children who are learning degrees of independence as they are taught correct principals and expected to govern themselves.

Captain Von Trapp had the solution, but I'd need a whistle that requires minimal air power. Anyone have one of those?

In other news... That moment you realize your hair part for almost 13 years needs to switch sides to cover up a few newly-created bald spots.🤔 #hydrocephalus#failedETV #newshunt #firstworldproblems

Recovery Day 11

I did my hair and makeup today! Feeling a bit better every day!

This is the shunt that is keeping my CSF in check. It's fun to see the new changes to the shunt systems, especially when I realized that I attended a meeting that showed an idea for improving shunts on a power point presentation ten years ago and those changes are now in my head!!

Codman Certas Plus Programmable Valve

Recovery Day 10

I love the Sabbath Day! Physically I've been resting all the time for weeks and weeks, but Sunday's are a more productive rest for me as I do activities that help draw me closer to my Savior. Several weeks ago, I rediscovered daily journaling as a fabulous way to process the emotional and physical health challenges with which I've been struggling. I've also been spending more and more time in the scriptures as a source for putting life's struggles into an eternal perspective.

Yesterday we learned (the painful way) that I definitely have a time limit on how long I can be up and about without my head feeling like it's going to explode. We're not sure if the shunt is draining too much or too little... The pain feels the same either way. I haven't heard it drain since yesterday morning. But maybe I just can't hear it anymore? It's all so very confusing. And it's in these moments of confusion and frustration that I remind myself that "God is not the author of confusion, but of peace" (1 Corinthians 14:33) and I turn to my Savior in prayer. And guess what? He helps still my soul every time. #BrainSurgeryRecovery #hydrocephalus #ShuntsAreWeird#SabbathDay #HeLives

Recovery Day 9

My neighbors are AMAZING! Friends, the next time a house is up for sale in our neighborhood, you should SERIOUSLY consider buying it and moving here! I love my neighborhood family!!

We've had meals coming in every so often for the last few weeks. It's been a HUGE blessing because that's one less thing we've had to worry about. In an effort to help my kids show their gratitude for these meals, my mom drew these cards for the families who've been helping us and had the kids color them and write sweet messages inside. I took a picture of the card sent home with our friends last night. I'll translate...

"I love you so much! - James Varga - Thank you for bringing us dinner. You're the best."

Be still my heart! I love my kid!!

Recovery Day 8

My first three shunts in college were all placed posteriorly on the right side of my head. This current shunt has an anterior placement on the top right of my head. Not sure how much of a difference it will make, but I was ALL for not waking up from surgery with the back right side of my head completely shaved. Instead I just have a little patch shaved on top where the shunt pressure valve sits and then a bit behind my right ear where they created an incision to help feed the catheter down my neck to my abdomen. When we got home last Friday, my sweet Katie Lynne was SO happy I still had so much hair. She cried and cried every night leading up to the surgery about the potential loss of my hair and was overjoyed when she saw that it wasn’t that bad! 

Recovery Day 7

I can't believe it's been a week since my surgery! It's been an emotional roller coaster, for sure, especially as I remember how much I hate shunts. I mean I really truly hate having this pressure valve and tubing system manipulate the drainage of my CSF. Sometimes it drains too much. Sometimes it drains too little. Either way, I get an awful headache. And when my pain increases, my emotions start to overwhelm me and drag me down a path of ridiculous negative thinking. Crazy emotions are also a side effect of brain surgery. So I've been forgiving myself for this lack of emotional control. It's totally normal. But knowing that doesn't necessarily make it any easier so I simply ride it out until I'm distracted by something else.

I'm grateful for my hydrocephalus support FB groups that have been helping me keep the physical and emotional pain in perspective. One of my darling friends who's had three times the number of brain surgeries as I've had, gently reminded me yesterday that this shunt is working with my ETV to keep me alive so that I can be present with my family and live a pretty normal life. She said it might be a bit more painful, but I'm alive.

Truth.

Thanks for the encouraging words and prayers, my friends. I'm healing more and more every day.